She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
