apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize