I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize
