Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
