I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
