I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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