I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
