piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I have already put on my inside pants.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
