if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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