I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
