So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
