I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
