remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You can't special order awesome
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
