Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
