you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
