Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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