shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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