so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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