the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
