hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
