the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
