He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
