He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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