you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
