Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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