Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize