I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Is Oprah even human
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize