as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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