I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
