nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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