Welp...herpes.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
