How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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