I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
