I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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