I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
