Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
