She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
