suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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