I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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