11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
