That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
