$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
