your room smells of hookers.
And success
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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