The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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