New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
