Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
