I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
