I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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