You made me cry and you don't even care
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
