so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
