2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
