we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
