Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
