I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
