I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
