Capitaan dildo arrescate!
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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