remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
