apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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