i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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