woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
