I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
