According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
