the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
