Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
