Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
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