and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
