I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
