you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
