She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
