weddingsv make me drug and hornr
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
