Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
