Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
