my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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