It's Friday. Sex?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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