1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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